exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
