I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
