It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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