I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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