and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She's the barista slut.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
