end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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