If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
