Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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