Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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