Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You left your phone here
Wait...
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
