and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
