is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
There r osticjed everywhere
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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