If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
