K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
