"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
