I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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