dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
