I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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