Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
