He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
