I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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