hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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