Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Quick, to the slutcave!
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
