Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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