either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
