Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
