3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Randomize
