So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
