maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
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You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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