have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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