I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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