I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
