Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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