i'm lost and i look like a hooker
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
