Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize