I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
