So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
