Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
