I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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