I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
