I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
