Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
