I hate your face
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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