Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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