what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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