um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
