Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
