he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
where am i from again
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
No subtext here. People are naked.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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