Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
