I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
