i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
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I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
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Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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