The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
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He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
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I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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