My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
