I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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