I got chris browned last night
Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
