tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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