Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
