Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
