i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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