I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.