Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s