do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂