then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...