look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
