Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I need water and some morals
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
