My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
