she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
