the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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