the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
