dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
