I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
