Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
