Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
