Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
BRING THE BAGELS
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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