Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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