you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
