Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
