worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
