I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Can you bring me the toilet please
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
