i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
