I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
