I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
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