I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
